The term “perinatal loss” is the general term for the delivery of a baby who dies before, during, or shortly after birth that is at least 16 weeks gestation. The term, “neonatal loss” refers to the death of a baby that occurs in the neonatal Intensive Care Unit). The term, “miscarriage” applies to the loss of a baby before 16 weeks gestation.

Pastoral visitation in the hospital with a family in the midst of experiencing the loss of a much hoped for and loved baby may feel overwhelming for anyone. However, families are often helped greatly by a pastoral presence when trying to find meaning in the death of their precious little baby and as they begin to imagine their life without this special baby. Pastors can provide guidance and serve as a resource for parents who may feel isolated and very alone. The follow general guidelines are helpful in ministering with newly bereaved parents and families:

• Parents are honored when you can ask to see and hold their baby. Notice the baby’s features and ask the parents them to share with you what they see in their baby that reminds them of each other.
• Use the baby’s name when referring to the baby especially later on when you continue to have contact with the family. Parents are fearful that others will forget their baby. Hearing the baby’s name out loud gives parents permission to talk openly about their baby with you.
• Help parents to treasure the time spent with their baby. It is the ONLY time they will have as a family to make memories of “parenting” their child. If you do not have the opportunity to meet the baby ask the parents if they would like to share photos of their baby with you or other mementos.
• Many parents make a request for the baptism of their baby. Since baptism is a sacrament for the living you may feel conflicted about how to offer pastoral care that does not conflict with your beliefs. Be particularly sensitive when approaching this request. If you are not comfortable offering baptism is there another ritual you could perform that addresses the concerns that parents are feeling? Possibly a prayer of dedication might meet their need for a ritual reminder of God’s presence. Sometimes through active listening and gentle conversations families will come to their own conclusion that a baptism isn’t necessary for their baby to be in the loving care of God. Bringing to mind loving images of God are helpful. Scriptures may also be helpful at this time.
• Remember parents who have suffered a loss on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. These holidays often serve as a painful reminder of their loss. A personal note of remembrance is always appreciated. You may also want to contact the parents on or around the anniversary of the loss of their baby.
• For further information on how you can support newly bereaved parents, contact Carolanne Hauck, Staff Chaplain, Lancaster General Women and Babies Hospital at 544-5979.

All women who experience the death of their baby through miscarriage, still born or early infant death at Lancaster General Women and Babies Hospital are offered several choices for the disposition of their baby’s remains. Many families find much comfort from a minister who can walk with them through the process of deciding how to best honor their loss and remember their baby.

• Private Burial: Most parents who choose to have a private burial have a graveside service. Depending on the age of the baby many families opt to have a viewing of the baby at the Funeral Home before the service. Although this may seem odd, it is important to honor parent’s wishes as much as possible in order to aid their healing. There are many Funeral Homes in Lancaster County who offer reduced rates for their services to parents grieving the loss of a baby. In addition, there are Cemeteries that offer designated ground within the cemetery for babies usually at no cost except a small charge for the opening closing of the ground. Sometimes there are restrictions regarding a head stone. Funeral Directors can help with the particulars of the burial.
• Parents who experience a miscarriage (the death of a baby before 16 weeks gestation) will sometimes request to have their baby’s remains returned to them for private burial. Usually parents bury the remains in a family garden or under a special tree in their yard and have their own memorial service. This is allowed as long as the baby is less than 16 weeks gestation. Parents who request this option do so because they believe it will aid in their healing and should be encouraged to follow their heart.
• Share Burial: A free common burial service is offered through the combined efforts of SHARE, Charles Snyder Funeral Home and the new St. Joseph Catholic Cemetery. A grave side service is held six times throughout the year for any baby who has died during pregnancy or shortly after birth. One or two small white caskets holding all of the babies are buried together at a spot marked with a numbered bronze plaque. Many parents find this service to be a meaningful way to remember their child. A graveside service is led by a local minister and is non-denominational. Parents may leave mementos at the graveside. The mementos are cleared periodically for cemetery caretaking.
• Hospital Disposition: When families who have experienced an early loss do not feel the need for a service or burial they can choose to have the hospital take care of the remains through hospital cremation. There is no charge to the patient.