As most of you appreciate the medical profession and medical illness is usually a very serious endeavor, however, recently it has become well known that humor can also be a healer.  In response to this “trying to keep up with the times,” I offer you the following bits of history as well as humor. (Don’t shoot the messenger!) 

• Why do some barbershops have red and white striped poles in front of them? 

It’s not because barbers used to sell sticks of peppermint candy. That colored pole harks back to a time when your barber was much more of a cut-up then you might imagine. The local barbershop was once a bloody place.  Barbers doubled as doctors, dentists, and surgeons. One procedure that they specialized in was bleeding the patient, a common cure (when it didn’t kill you) for many illnesses several centuries ago. In order to increase the flow of blood, the customer was asked to squeeze a pole to put pressure on the veins. The poles, naturally, often got splattered with blood.  Dripping wet and bloody red, they were set outside to dry. In the best traditions of contemporary hygiene, used white bandages were draped on the poles, also to dry. That’s the charming origin of the cute red and white icon outside the barbershop.

• A man was telling his neighbor: “I just bought a new hearing aid.  It cost me $4,000.00, but it’s state of the art.  It’s perfect.”  “Really,” answered the neighbor.  “What kind is it?”  “12:30,” answered the proud owner. 

• As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280.  Please be careful!”  “It’s not just one car,” said Herman, “it’s hundreds of them!”

• Morris, an 82-year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to the man and said, “You are really doing great, aren’t you?”  Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, doctor:  “get a hot mamma and be cheerful”.   The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart murmur, be careful.”

• An elderly gent was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening.  He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms—Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.  The couple had been married almost 70 years, and clearly, they were still very much in love.  While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, “I think it’s wonderful, that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”  The old man hung his head.  “I have to tell you the truth,” he said, “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

• Witty things to say during a colonoscopy:
  
  • “Take it easy, Doc—you are boldly going where no man has gone before.”
  • “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there.”
  • “Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?”
  • “Hey!  Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
    

Dr. Peterson is a doctor of Family and Community Medicine at the Walter L. Aument Family Health Center, 317 S. Chestnut St., Quarryville.